Falling out of the spirit
by justsomegal77
Summary: The Lone Wanderer has reached a breaking point on an important holiday. Now ready to end it all at a her father's grave ready wanting to create her own by his own. Seems to slightly have Butch/Lone wanderer. sorry for short summary.


**A/N I decided to do my own Merry Christmas tale in the wasteland. Natasha is the only thing i own. with a little miracle for the soft hearted. Its a difficult subject for most people. I wish it wasn't. But this world is just as fucked up even if it were to be devoured by nuclear war. I apologize if it wouldn't seem like how it would happen but Christmas miracles happen and tend to never make any sense. But they usually are still amazing.**

Death. That's all there ever was leaving the vault. It was dirty the air always had a stench. What the fuck did this world do to deserve such an ill fate. Seeing raiders that have lost their minds long ago. Watching innocent people struggle to survive just to see the next day. And the worst part was that it was well according to the old world to be a happy new year.

She remembered always celebrating it with her father in the vault, they always tried to stick to some traditions they have done before the world had gone into complete and total shit. And now she was alone in her rented room in Rivet city to celebrate yet another year alone. After the water was finally clean it all should have been better. She should have been happy but she has never felt more empty and dead inside even with the alcohol she drank. _"I think i should just end it all I've done my job why would anyone need me now?" _Natasha thought as she lay in her bed taking a swig of vodka from her bottle.

She left the room walking out of Rivet city being ignored by every fucker that she has helped throughout all of it. "_I made these people's life easier and they look down on me like i'm some vagrant. My father died for these ungrateful shits." _her face distorted in anger as she gradually made it to the exit of the shitty city.

She was on her way to the one place where she was actually happy to be alone at and that was her father's grave. Alone with the only person she could ever talk to about anything. But will no longer get a response.

"Merry Christmas dad". she whispered now at his tombstone but it was more like a little boulder. She decided to claim this boulder as a little memorial site to show that he did matter even if people didn't show. The shit they went through or anyone else that died for the project now completely forgotten.

"I miss you, this life I live...I can't do this. Why..why did you die. You didn't have to do it for these ungrateful fucks." Natasha began to cry softly at this final good bye.

"You left me again.. And I never was the same girl you raised and I hate her now. She was so stupid to think that you would stay forever. That we could live the rest of our lives out here in happiness after the water was finally clean." She began to sob silently with the monster she has become clawing at her old self destroying it. And losing the one person who has kept her sane for all these years.

Flashbacks of what she has done out of rage and saddness after he died popped in to her head. The monster truly did a number on her and so many others. She remembers killing small groups of people out of shear anger and pleasure taking away things from them like other people who have taken away things from herself. This wasteland destroys everyone that touches it.

"I love you." She was whispering now taking out her 10MM pistol out.

now talking to herself "it's funny how I go through so much shit out here. with all the super mutants, Enclave, deathclaw, and raiders I fight. And I kill.." she paused looking down at her gun now. "But they could never kill me.. but yet just a simple shot in the head could end my pain and suffering forever.." now putting the gun up to her head. "It looks like I seem to be the only one that seems capable of finishing the job. hehe as usual." hand now on the trigger.

"HEY, don't do it please." someone screamed at her from behind.

"Butch what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting shitfaced somewhere?" she spoke with sarcasm.

"Oh please Natasha you know what day it is" he continued "We should be doing that together just like old times." he ended with a smile.

"Can't you see I'm busy with something." She started to get angry.

"yeah you're trying to kill yourself." he answered as if it was the most normal thing to say in the world. "Now please stop, give me the gun and come celebrate Christmas with me." he held his hand out waiting for her to give it to him.

'Sounds tempting but I'm better off dead before I end up seeing another year." She continued with the gun still in the same position looking him straight in the eye. " Now please leave me as the 'psycho' I am to you a 'monster' as others would say".

"You still have my contract though." Charon walked out towards them now.

"But that would make you free. another reason why I should just finish the job." She now stared down Charon too.

"It would be ashamed to lose such an amazing employer." he said. She smirked at that remark.

"As your friends I would have to agree with them". She was startled by this. Since she hasn't spoken to Fawkes for months.

"Woof". It was dog meat who now ran up to her and tackled her down knocking the gun out of her hand licking her face.

" down boy haha". her anger seemed to really start subsiding.

"Butch how did you?.." she was practically speechless "Why are they here?"

" Come on we need you girly, you sprung me from the vault. saved all our asses. And you really think I could forget about what you did back in school at the vault" he gave a wink. "Everyone of your buds are waiting for you down at Rivet city"

She looked down at the grave then at her gun which she picked up and then looked up at her friends.

"I always knew Christmas was special for you with your stupid little grin on your face every fucking year." He smiled at her with his hand held out again. "So how about it?"

She looked at him remembering all that she thought before all this happened. As if it were a bad dream she had woken up from. Would her father prefer this? Was she being selfish? She could join him at any moment after whatever death brought and be happy. It wouldn't be so depressing to continue living now. But the people... They cared for her and they need her, she needs them. She wanted to be therefor every single person that has ever made her happy. Her father still strived for others no matter how much they thought his ideas were Ludacris. But others still helped. He did what was right for everyone. And she now wanted to return the favor.

"Here." she finally gave him the gun. She burst out in tears jumping at Butch with a hug "Thank you for everything." she said in between sobs. He returned it in silence cause she knew she needed it.

"Could you guys go wait for me please there." Natasha looked down at the giant rock "I still have something to do."

They all agreed and left her alone with him. "Dad if only you were here with us to celebrate." She smiled "I'll tell you all about the party, see you soon."

And with that she walked with a new perspective in mind. A gift she will remember forever.


End file.
